Yesterday I ran into someone discouraging me from my dream and dream job for the second time. Both times it was woman older then me who have similar jobs as to what I am trying to create for myself. The job I want doesn’t exist in the format I want in my area yet and so I am trying to create it myself. It is a lot to take on and a difficult task that you would think people who have more experience would want to support others in their endeavors to help them achieve their goals. If I was in their shoes I would be supportive even through the envy or jealousy I might be feeling towards them.
The first time this happened the woman said that I might be able to do what my goal is but that I wouldn’t be able to do it on a large scale. I knew why she said that. I have all those reasons in my head and understand. But that should NEVER be the first fucking thing you say to someone you meet and who tells you her dream! I know that I need a team, that directors tend to be set in their ways and are not open to this new idea, and I know that it will be hard to convince others to give it a shot. But who are they to say that it CAN’T work. Maybe it hasn’t worked because it was never me.
The second woman happened yesterday. This woman is doing exactly what I want to be doing. The only place I have ever found that does it. And of course is no where near me. I had to take a flight in 2014 to meet, sit in a rehearsal, and learn about it from her. She seemed really nice. Then I flew home, waited and talked to people. Some directors seemed interested but were too busy, or set up a meeting with me and then stopped responding to me trying to contact them for the second meeting they had “said” that they wanted. So then I gave up, in a way. I knew it was going to happen somehow but have no idea how if no one will listen. And then I had a revelation a few days ago. This had kept me happy and motivated for multiple days in a row. It was wonderful. I decided to try to put it all together in my apartment and then post a video of it on YouTube. That is when I reached back out to this woman and she said it would look like I am selfish and I would get backlash from the community and she doesn’t want to be associated with it in any way.
Their loss’. If and when I make it, It will be alone. Apart from my team. Because I give credit where it is due. I might do then what I am doing now and mention them, but not by names. Saying that they told me I couldn’t and shouldn’t do it the way that I did. I just don’t understand why woman (keep in mind I am a woman as well) play so many mind games. We should lift each other up and support one another instead of seeing a threat and choosing to fight for yourself. What is wrong with people in the world today.
So I bounce back. Stronger today then yesterday. I say FUCK YOU to the haters, FUCK YOU to their fear as well as my own, and I am back to thinking how to get this started from my home. Normally people don’t see me on YouTube but you never know. Maybe when I have something more worthwhile to share it could be different. You never know, anything is possible and anything can happen. Now I just need to prove to everyone, including myself that they are wrong. I CAN do it, I am doing it. It will be my biggest and best accomplishment. Stay tuned because I am on my way to greatness!
Write you next time.
Self Expression 