I had a great couple of days. And then today happened. I recently decided that I want to be an actor. I have been involved in theatre for a few years and I hate auditions. However I have started auditioning for Films and I enjoy being in front of the camera so much more.
I had something as an extra today. And everything that could go wrong went wrong. And so I ended up unable to do it and came back home. I learned a lot about how to read a Call Sheet. I never realized that I don’t think I have ever seen or read one before. However I couldn’t help but feel like I was wrong in some ways. I read the address wrong and therefore went to the wrong place. However those who should have been in contact with me were not. I was initially told to be there at 5pm with all the other extras and then the director emailed me at 2:03pm that call time was at 3pm. I didn’t receive that email until 2:30pm and then when I got everything ready I arrived and spent an hour looking for them at the wrong location. And of course the reason I freak out and start crying when I FINALLY get a hold of someone to rudely explain, barely, what happened. I am afraid that I burned a bridge before I even got in the business.
I would give up on acting in a second if it didn’t do so much for me. It fills my soul. Something that even theatre can’t do for me anymore. And I can’t give up on something that fills my soul up that much even if it is sparatic and I don’t know if and when it will ever happen. It is another reason why I am obsessed and addicted to the app, Dubsmash.
So, I come home and sit into my funk. This is the type of feeling that nothing can bring you out of. Where you know you will be happy again but you just need to sit in the funky feeling for a while. Maybe you could call it a little bit of wallowing. I don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything. And that is always a huge thing for me because I always need to talk it out with friends. Finally I make myself walk across the street to get food. After I eat. I feel a little better. I have also figured out that baths seem to help me feel better but I don’t want to take one because it takes too much effort to get it all together. I am strong and can handle so much and I have. I just hate that I have to do that. I pick myself back up and continue every time I am knocked down because I don’t have any other choice. I just have to.
Write you later.